12 The Last Tooth *后一颗牙
13 Pregnant 怀孕
14 That Officer Was Not Popular 不受欢迎的长官
15 Surgeons 外科医生
16 Is She Pregnant 她怀孕了?
17 The Warm‐hearted Nurse 热心的护士
18 Appeal 上诉
19 The Taxi Driver and the Priest 出租车司机和牧师
20 A Brand‐new Brain 全新大脑
21 Traffic Accident 交通事故
22 A Tough Marine Sergeant 粗鲁的海军中士
23 How Many Can Be Discharged 多少人能出院
24 That's Your Worry 那是你的事
25 Post Haste 紧急邮递
26 Old Fire Truck 旧消防车
27 A Smuggler 走私犯
28 Protect Himself 保护自己
29 Cover the Shadow with Sand 用沙子遮住影子
30 In Prison VS at Work 监狱与单位
第五章　亲密关系
1 I Was in Love and Didn't Notice It 恋爱中没有注意到
2 I'm the Bridegroom's Mother 我是新郎的母亲
3 Looking for a Husband 找个丈夫
4 In the Swimming Pool 在游泳池里
5 Marry 结婚
6 Be inside the Coat 我在外套里
7 I'm Hooked on You 我被你勾住了
8 Not My Daughter 不是我的女儿
9 Dating 约会
10 The Baby Will Just Like You Tomorrow 宝宝明天就像你了
11 Change 变化
12 We're Divorced 我们已经离婚了
13 The New Telephone Number 新号码
14 It's Too Late 太晚了
15 Promise or Threat 承诺还是威胁
16 Some Conversations on Married Life 婚姻百态
17 Thirty Years Younger Than Me 比我年轻三十岁
18 He Asked Me First 他先向我索吻了
19 Birthday Rose 生日玫瑰
20 What Are You Going to Do This Evening 你今天晚上要干什么去
21 A Penny Pincher 守财奴
22 Rejuvenation Pill 返老还童药片
23 My Wife Makes All Small Decisions 小事老婆说了算
24 Twins 双胞胎
25 I Had Him Buried Upside down 脸朝下埋的
26 Always Share 分享一切
27 The Perfect Husband 完美丈夫
第六章　*强大脑
1 I Think That I Am a Bird 我认为自己是一只鸟
2 Does He Bite 它咬人吗
3 Put the Peach Back on the Tree 把桃子放回树上去
4 I Did Not 我才没有
5 Poisonous Snakes 毒蛇
6 Frog 青蛙
7 Pose for Pictures 拍照留念
8 Tell Horses Apart 区分马
9 Space Race 太空竞赛
10 Chewing Gum 口香糖
11 Small White Rabbit Fishing 小白兔钓鱼
12 One for the Price of Two 一物二价
13 Flying Turtle 飞翔的海龟
14 The Ability of the Kangaroo 袋鼠的能力
15 Special Kiss 特殊的亲吻
16 Another Choice 另一个选择
17 Eat，Coat 大衣，你吃吧
18 A Boring Man 无聊之人
19 He Was Only Wrong by Two 他的答案只比正确答案差二
20 The Talking Frog 会讲话的青蛙
21 Hot Air Balloon 热气球
22 Fast Chicken 跑得飞快的鸡
23 Pay for the Mother 为"妈妈"埋单
24 Caught by Cannibals 被食人族抓住
25 Lion and Lady 狮子和女郎
26 A Fish Tale 一条鱼的故事
27 Special Pig 神奇的猪
28 Who Had the Most Tragic Death 谁死得更惨
第七章　急中生智
1 Handsome Man 帅哥
2 Fat Man and Thin Man 胖子和瘦子
3 Big Surprise 大吃一惊
4 Can Not Stop 无法停下来
5 The Best Stimulant *佳兴奋剂
6 All Your Life 你的一生
7 Lawyer's Answer 律师的回答
8 The Autograph 签名
9 A Moron 白痴
10 A New Employee 新职员
11 It's Hard to Tell One from the Other 双胞胎难辨
12 The 15th Vice President 第十五位副行长
13 Who Should Change 谁该换？
14 The Bill 账单
15 To Take Love More Seriously than Friendship 重色轻友
16 Distance 距离
17 I'm Calling to Report My Neighbor 检举揭发
18 Suitcase 手提箱
19 Perfect Match 绝配
20 What's on Your Back 你的背上放什么东西
21 A New York Lawyer 一名纽约律师
22 The Cleverest Son *聪明的儿子
23 Don't Worry 不必担心
24 The Servant's Ruse 仆人的诡计
25 A Rick Does Long Way 一招解决大问题

幽默英文(全5册) 节选

　　**章　无敌腹黑　　1 We Close at Ten　　Waitress,”shouted the impatient diner,“do I have to sit hereand starve all night? ”　　“No, sir, we close at ten o’clock.”　　我们十点关门　　“服务员，”顾客不耐烦地喊道，“我必须整晚坐这儿挨饿吗？”　　“不，先生，我们十点关门。”　　2 Burglars Broke into the House　　Poet: Burglars broke into my house last night.　　Friend: Yes? What happened?　　Poet: They searched through every room, then left a $10 bill onmy bureau.　　盗贼来访　　诗人：“昨晚盗贼闯进了我的屋子。”　　朋友：“是吗？丢了什么吗？”　　诗人：“他们翻遍了每个房间，然后在我的书桌上留下了一张10美元的钞票。”　　3 A Polite Horse　　John: Tom, how was the horse‐riding yesterday?　　Tom: Not so bad. But my horse was too polite.　　John: Too polite?　　Tom: Yes. When we came to a fence, he let me go first.　　有礼貌的马　　约翰：汤姆，昨天骑马骑得怎么样？　　汤姆：不错，但我的马太有礼貌了。　　约翰：太有礼貌了？　　汤姆：是的。当我们要跨栏时，它让我先过去了。　　4 Have the Money　　“How did you plan your future？”　　“I became the partner of a rich man. He had the money and I had the experience.”　　“How did that help？”　　“Now he has the experience and I have the money.”　　致富　　“你是如何计划未来的？”　　“我成为一个富人的合伙人。他有钱，我有经验。”　　“那如何发挥作用？”　　“现在他有经验，我有钱。”　　5 The Man Is Looking for It　　A little boy came home with a five‐dollar bill and said he found it.　　“Are you sure it was lost?”asked his mother.　　“Sure,I’m sure,”said the little boy,“I saw the man lookingfor it. ”　　他正在找呢　　一个小男孩拿着一张5美元的钞票回到家里，他说是捡到的。　　“你肯定这是别人丢的吗？”他妈妈问。　　“当然，我确定，”小男孩说，“我看见那个人正在找呢。”　　6 Egges　　“How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard? ”　　“One night I hid five eggs under a bush in my garden, and next day I let him see me gather them. I wasn’t bothered after that. ”　　鸡蛋　　“你是如何让邻居把他的母鸡关在自家院子的？”　　“一天夜里，我在花园的一簇灌木丛下藏了五只鸡蛋。第二天，我让他看到我把那些鸡蛋收了起来。从那以后，我就没被打搅过。”　　7 Kept Coming Back　　At the insistence of a reporter, a wealthy man finally decided toreveal the secret of success.“I first became rich by selling homing pigeons. ”he explained.　　“Really?”replied the amazed reporter,“How many did youstart with?”　　“Only one, ”the millionaire answered,“but he kept coming back.”总是飞回来　　在一位记者的坚持下，一名富翁*终决定透露他成功的秘密。“我起先是以卖信鸽发家的。”他解释说。　　“真的吗？”记者惊讶地反问道，“一开始你有多少只？”　　“只有一只，”百万富翁回答说，“但它总是飞回来。”　　8 Good News and Bad News　　An artist asked the gallery owner if anyone had shown interest in his paintings.　　“I’ve got good news and bad news. ”he said,“The good news is that some guy inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after you died. When I told him it would, hebought all 12 of your paintings.”　　“And the bad news?”　　“The guy was your doctor.”　　好消息与坏消息　　一位画家向美术馆老板打听是否有人对他的画感兴趣。　　“有好消息，也有坏消息。”他说，“好消息是有人询问你的作品在你死后会不会升值。我告诉他会的，他就把你的十二幅画全买走了。”　　“那坏消息呢？”　　“那家伙是你的医生。”　　……

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